


I Choose You

by highqualitynot



Series: highqualitynot's Parkner Week 2019 [4]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: (i didnt follow the prompts that well), (just a hint), (kind of), Chaos, Established Relationship, Fluff, Found Family, M/M, Pranks, Twitter, the formatting gets fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-05
Updated: 2019-08-05
Packaged: 2020-08-09 23:29:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20125633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/highqualitynot/pseuds/highqualitynot
Summary: It was only after Harley had been tased that they figured, hey, some rules might not be a bad idea.The rules only served to create more chaos in the end.---parkner week 2019 day 4 - first kiss,family, his shield is ze size of a dinner plate!





	I Choose You

**Author's Note:**

> i call this one BARELY OBEYING THE PROMPTS BECAUSE I WANTED TO WRITE PRANKS AND ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP FLUFF
> 
> it's cheesy and cute and overall a lot of fun
> 
> spotify playlist [here!](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1Ftf5aR07Ha3KcCtfjUe14)
> 
> my dearest darlingest [harp](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aroacewritingplace) is so sweet give them all the love in the world

“Peter!” 

Harley dashed through the hallway, slipping over several pamphlets and jarring his hip on a particularly well-carved statuette. He rounded the corner, slamming his hands into the wall. The paintings shook as though his presence alone was a horrifying shock.

Peter snapped a few photos of the wall of paintings, then let his camera hand loosely around his neck. He slowly turned towards his boyfriend, raising one incredulous eyebrow. “Yes, Harley?”

“We gotta run.”

“And why is tha-” Peter was cut off by Harley grabbing him by the wrist and pulling him into the next room. 

“Well for one thing, security is probably super mad about all the stuff I ran into trying to find you, and for another, placing garbage around the museum and then taking pictures of the people observing it like art is sort of... frowned upon by said people,” Harley explained. 

“Princess, this is the goddamn MoMa.”

“Yes, I recognize that. That's what makes it funny!” Harley said.

Peter shook his head, but a fond smile graced his face. “Okay, we gotta get out of here before you get arrested, or something.” 

“Is what I did really considered art fraud, Your Honour, or is it, in itself, art?” Harley explained to an imaginary judge, gesturing wildly.

Peter laced their fingers together and led him to the nearest exit sign (which turned out to be another piece of artwork). 

\---

**THE PRANK RULES**, as laid out by Peter Parker and Harley Keener

1\. NO PRANKS IN BIG PUBLIC PLACES, such as the MoMa, where you can and will be tased by security. Not our best date, really.  
2\. NO PRANKS ON EACH OTHER, because we’re a fucking team, Harley, we’re in this together, and if you give me another cup of cheese sauce disguised as orange juice I’m never speaking to you again.  
3\. NEVER TEAM UP WITH THE OLD MAN, because he’s lame and will try to get us not to prank him, which is all the more reason to prank him!  
4\. NO PRANKS ON PEPPER/MJ.  
5\. INVOLVE ABBIE WHENEVER POSSIBLE, because she’s an evil genius, and always willing to help. (but also a little shit who never takes the blame! be cautious when working with gremlins)  
6\. NEVER PLACE THE BLAME ON EACH OTHER, because that's just Mean. This is just like the no pranking each other rule. ~we’re all in this together!~  
7\. NEVER SING HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL WHILE PRANKING.  
8\. ALWAYS USE THE SILENCE IS GOLDEN PROTOCOL, because getting caught totally sucks. Hacking FRIDAY to always approve the protocol will definitely help!  
9\. ONLY PRANK PEOPLE WE KNOW, because pranking people we don't know is kinda rude.  
10\. CAUSE AS MUCH TROUBLE AS HUMANLY/ENHANCED HUMANLY POSSIBLE, because what's more fun than chaos?

\---

“I have an evil plan,” Harley announced, sauntering his way over the Spidey suit to lean on his boyfriend’s shoulders.

“Oh?”

“Okay, so you know how Stark Industries bathrooms contain both air dryers and hand sanitizer?” Harley said. 

“Yes,” Peter replied, focus still on the Spider-Man suit before him. “What’re you thinking?”

Harley pulled a miniature bottle of Elmer’s Clear School Glue out of his pocket and placed it in the palm of Peter’s hand. 

“Harley,” Peter said, awed. “You’re an evil genius.”

Laying the groundwork for their masterpiece was relatively simple. Their access cards allowed them essentially wherever they wanted, and the janitor’s stocks were one of the places they wanted to go.

“FRIDAY, activate the Silence Is Golden Protocol?” Harley said.

“Activated, Best Boss.”

“It’ll be a slow thing, won't it?” Peter said. 

“Well, kind of. It should be just a week or so between replacing the stocked sani with glue and waiting for the remainder to run out,” Harley replied. 

“I gotta remember not to use it so my hands don't get stuck together,” Peter mused. 

“Not even that’ll work with the backup prank in place!” Harley grinned like a madman. “Over the past few days, Abbie and I have carefully installed glitter into every single air dryer on the floors relevant to the Avengers.” 

“Harley, have I mentioned lately that you’re the most brilliant person alive?” Peter said. 

Harley smiled into a kiss with him, laughing breathlessly as they separated. “And also the best kisser!”

“And also the best kisser,” Peter agreed. 

\---

**the best keener** _ @abbadabbadoo_

callout post for my brother _@potatoguntime_ and his boyfriend _@peteyparkerr_ they’re super cute and it makes pranking the avengers hard bc they dont stop staring into each others eyes and shit

> **You Know Who I Am**_ @tonystark_

THE GLITTER AND GLUE THING WAS HARLEY, PETER AND YOU?

>> **the best keener**_ @abbadabbadoo_

fuck

\---

“Harley, I had an idea this morning,” Peter said, pausing the episode of Veronica Mars they were halfway through.

“Oh?” Harley threw a piece of buttery popcorn into his mouth with gusto. “Do tell.”

“FRIDAY, activate the Silence Is Golden Protocol, please?”

“Activated, Spider-Boss!” 

Harley bit his lip in anticipation. If Peter was using the prank protocol, they were going to have an amazing time. 

“Since we no longer have access to the storage rooms after our last prank-”

“Honestly a shame Tony didn't appreciate it like we did,” Harley huffed. Peter rolled his eyes with a smile. 

“Well, anyway, I got these really nice apples from a little bodega,” Peter started, grabbing something from inside his bag. “I think they’ll make great candy apples.” 

Harley leaned in close. Papery skin, yellow tinge, large stem. 

“Peter, that is an onion.” 

“Exactly!” His boyfriend cheered. “We disguise ‘em as candy apples. The Avengers eat them… boom!”

“Darling, you are an evil genius,” Harley hummed adoringly. He kissed Peter on the nose. 

“So are you,” Peter told him, a soft smile on his face.

After a few hours in the kitchen, the onions looked like perfect little candy apples. Peter and Harley remained in the vicinity of the candy onions, ensuring they would witness the fruits (or aromatics) of their labour. 

Captain America was the first to take a bite. 

“Did you guys make candy apples?” He said. Steve had just come from the training deck, sweaty, with a towel over his shoulder. “I love candy apples. Used to have them all the time as a kid.” 

“Yeah, we’re awesome like that,” Peter said. “Have one!” 

Steve smiled and took an enthusiastic bite from one of the ‘apples’. His face passed from happiness to disgust faster than anyone thought (enhanced) humanly possible. 

“What the FUCK?!” 

“It’s... it’s an onion,” Harley explained through his laughter. 

Steve gagged and ran to the sink, throwing water into his mouth. “That’s disgusting, oh my GOD.” 

“That’s comedy!” Peter said, high-fiving his partner (in crime). 

\---

**harley <3 **  
hey uh  
is there a sign on your door?

**peter <3**  
idk lemme check  
yea  
it says no harley on it???????

**harley <3 **  
i have one that says no peter!!!!

**peter <3 **  
its got the avengers logo on it  
i hate this fucking family

**harley <3**  
i am going to murder several superheroes

**peter <3 **  
babe omg  
defending my honour? 

**harley <3**  
im going to ignore the sign now and come find you

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on tumblr i guess [@high-quality-not](https://high-quality-not.tumblr.com/)
> 
> <3 for my favourite person [harp](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aroacewritingplace)
> 
> the spotify playlist for this fics is pretty funky [fresh](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1Ftf5aR07Ha3KcCtfjUe14)
> 
> i hope you enjoyed!


End file.
